On Sunday night if you weren’t watching the SNL 40th Anniversary on NBC then you should have been watching Bravo to see Real Housewives of Atlanta: 50 Shades of Apollo Meltdown.
It was a night no one will ever forget as Apollo skipped turning himself in and confronted Phedra Parks about her cheating on him. It was a real juicy juice of a episode.
Here is the Real Housewives of Atlanta recap in case you missed the episode:
This time RHOA fans got to see the ugly side of Apollo Nida as he behaved mighty scarily in a domestic violence type of way trying to intimidate Phaedra Parks.
Meanwhile, Claudia Jordan has hit-up Rent-A-Center and finally got some furniture, but that’s still not enough to make this girl happy! She cries to Kenya Moore and Cynthia Bailey that she feels like it’s high school all over again where she is being bullied for being biracial and everyone expects her to just laugh it off. She is also sad and blue because Porsha Williams high school ways is keeping her from sitting at the popular lunch table!
Apparently, Porsha has some power, she’s ruining an African’s marriage with her cooch and she’s ruining Claudia’s job because she won’t do happy hours. Claudia says she’s tried her hardest to be civil and supportive of Porsha, except for that time she called her a prostitute and that time she showed up at her work party to start an argument with her.
Clearly Claudia does not like Porsha, so why is she bothering with her? It doesn’t seem like Porsha is bothering with her! Claudia needs to take a ride on the Underground Railroad, you know the one Porsha thinks is a real train underground…that’s a subway.
The drama doesn’t end there, because Phaedra and Apollo are still struggling with marital problems, which Phaedra is more afraid of her reputation being ruined than fixing her marriage to her ex-con husband.
[rpi]
We get it, Porsha is embarrassed by Apollo now.
Phaedra Parks got him the ultimate going away gift: a rumor he can use to destroy her reputation. Instead of spending time with his children before he goes “asunder”, Apollo and Payday Loan Peachter hit the bar when he regales Peter with some shocking information: Phaedra is having an affair.
Watch:
RUMOR has it, Pheadra closely guards her phone, keeping it near and dear to her heart. Leaving Apollo to assume it was because she was worried he’d steal her bank account information. One evening, while Phaedra was upstairs, he snuck into her purse, trying to grab her wallet, and stumbled upon her phone. And what did he find? She’s SEXTING a mysterious African named Mr. Chocolate!
Yes, she was caught red-handed moving on, and apparently having an affair, which would make her look completely in the wrong in the eyes of the court.
Apollo he has proof – he printed out the “sexts,” which featured a totally steamy photo of Phaedra in glasses and a t-shirt asking to be spanked for a little 50 Shades of Chocolate flavoring. Their texts described how Phaedra is counting down the days until Apollo “leaves the plantation” so she and Chocolate can drink champagne with reckless abandon, lounging in bathtub Apollo installed with his own two hands while simultaneously defrauding the elderly.
Apollo shows Peachter the print-outs of said sexts and admits he confronted Phaedra, who denied it, but he threatened her and almost “snapped”, which is why Peachter driving him to the bar.
We said it was juicy.
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First of all: Where in the hell are all these mysterious “Africans” coming from? The Housewives of Atlanta (and their significant others) do realize that Africa is a CONTINENT, right? I swear, they think it’s a 5-star hotel that loans out Bentleys and Chanel with the rooms. Second of all: We’re supposed to believe a person who is going to prison for fabricating bank accounts and forging loans can’t forge a few texts? Thirdly, another sexting scandal and another African? And ConPollo being on his moral high horse while he’s one step outside the prison cell?! And lastly, Lord I HOPE Phaedra has found herself a Mr. Chocolate, because that is so much sweeter than Mr. Good & Behind Bars!
Peachter is levitating with glee. He almost wrecked the car because he let go of the wheel to squeal and clap his hands. He left Apollo somewhere – anywhere but prison – and sped home to tell Cynthia the news. Cynthia, naturally, believes it completely, and is aghast that Phaedra’s slip is showing – showing to Mr. Chocolate, that is. Poor Cynthia – too bad she can’t find a mysterious African to spank her with a Bentley key! And really, Peter and Cynthia being so beside themselves over cheating when Peter wanted to get a “kick-it pad” last season so he could play Big Poppa on the side because of his wife’s fibroid’s.
Check out Peter Thomas spilling the tea to Cynthia:
Wait it gets juicier…
Roger Bobb has a REAL JOB producing REAL THINGS, so poor Kenya is stuck doing all the work on this Lies Twirl On sitcom: writing, casting, figuring out complex and brilliant story lines about vibrators destroying true love. Kenya holds auditions for “Kenya” so she can evaluate their chemistry with her boyfriend Mr. Vibrator (he’s African. And mysterious. And tickled pink about undergoing IVF with her. You say he’s fake, but she says he’s fabulous!). Cynthia arrives dressed as Peter’s Jamaican sidepiece. Did I mention all the characters in Kenya’s sitcoms are basically Kenya? I see her sitcom life is just as delusional as her reality TV life…
Now back to Clawdia and Poortaste. Claudia has a meeting with Ricky Smiley, her boss, where she mentions that Porsha is making her uncomfortable at work. What Claudia didn’t mention is that she called Porsha a prostitute, because their mutual mysterious Africans know each other and Porsha stole Claudia’s job as his number one trick pony. Claudia complains that Porsha is bringing drama to work despite how many times she’s been the bigger person. Which is why she tattle-tales to their boss.
Ricky calls Porsha into his office for a meeting, where she offers him a gummy bear and complains that Claudia is tattling. Ricky, who is apparently hosting the RHOA reunion now, wants to get to the bottom of their dislike so they can be civil. They squabble for a bit until he calls time-out, eats a gummy bear, and makes them hug it out. I have no patience for this: Claudia is the one bringing drama to work. #Obsessed The only thing Porsha is bringing is dummy bears – and titties.
Meanwhile back at the home of cheating, liars and marital dysfunction Apollo quite literally gone asunder and there is more messiness than the wigs on NeNe Leakes‘ head!
Apollo was supposed to have surrendered, but instead he has a sundered. Phaedra and the boys have been staying at a resort, but the day he reported to Club Fed, Phaedra left Club Med to change the locks and re-secure the house. Phaedra, emotionally, tells her assistant about how threatening and dangerous his behavior has become and she was expecting him to trash the house. While they are there, low and behold, look what the cops dragged in: Apollo! Yes, he shows up and demands that Phaedra fold his laundry and not touch his stuff while he’s “gone” – like he’s going on a two-week vacation.
Apollo races around, ranting in a blind-rage, while Phaedra stands in the garage stone-faced and stoic. Phaedra reveals that the night before he spent hours with his sons and told Ayden the cops might kill him in prison!
Apollo accuses Phaedra of taking everything from him – his house, namely. “Did I baby?” Phaedra answers, in monotone, repeatedly asking him to leave. Finally she calls his friend “Bun” – yes BUN (but does he have a stallion bun or a donkey bun?) to coax Apollo off the premises before she calls the police. Where is Krayonce’s SECUUUURTY or a Phaedra Sparks taser when a girl needs one!?
Apollo is on a rampage, his anger and hurt palpable, and Phaedra seemed almost frozen.
Phaedra finally convinces Apollo to leave, but then he backs the car up, and returns. Most disturbingly he grabs a drill and starts swinging it around. He tries to kiss her – threateningly – while holding the drill, then hisses, through clenched teeth, she better not call the cops as she backs away.
Watch:
Phaedra remains composed, but sends an SOS smoke signal to the Lord: “Fix It JESUS! FIX IT!” Phaedra tells Apollo she’ll pray for him and if he has any good sense he’ll take his ass to prison instead of being on the lam.
Until next week…
